Multiple Intelligences, Emotional Intelligence, and Self-Esteem
Dr. Kathy Koch on February 4th, 2009 | Filed under Self-Esteem, multiple intelligences
Helen posted a comment about her many jobs, “hiding behind school,” and relationships not lasting. She indicates she is realizing how low her self-esteem may be and wonders if emotional intelligence is related somehow.
As with others who have commented, I greatly appreciate Helen’s trust. I’m excited she’s thinking in the way she is and I think that understanding how she is smart in 8 unique ways can be encouraging and enlightening.
Daniel Goleman wrote Emotional Intelligences: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ back in 1995. He believes that emotionally intelligent people know their emotions, manage their emotions, motivate themselves, recognize emotions in others, and handle relationships well. They exhibit self-control, zeal, and persistence. It may be that Helen could improve in these areas, and therefore, have healthier and longer-lasting relationships and jobs.
I personally believe that much of what Goleman calls emotional intelligence is embodied in the people and self smarts that Dr. Gardner, Dr. Armstrong, and I write about. I hope Helen will study components of those in my book and other resources. These intelligences allow us to read people well, respond well to them and different situations, and become comfortable with our own thoughts and feelings. Self-acceptance is a result of having a healthy self smart, in particular.
I’ve interacted with many, many people through the years who, like Helen, have many jobs and many relationships. Often, it’s due to having no super strong smarts. Those with definite strengths have passions and purposes that drive them and increase persistence. Those with many average smarts may have a harder time finding their niche. In reality, though, they may find resiliency easier because they can bounce back to any number of tasks and people.
Here at Celebrate Kids, Inc., we KNOW that understanding how we are smart in different ways relates to self-esteem. It’s a core component of our identity (Who am I?) and purpose (Why am I alive?). Our smarts inform our competence (What do I do well?) and can help us form healthy and long-lasting relationships (Belonging: Who wants me?). Our smarts also firm up the first self-esteem core need of security (Who can I trust?) because when we know ourselves better, and when we know our strengths, we’ll learn to trust ourselves and we’ll learn to discern and identify trustworthy people who can help us develop the skills we need. (You can read about this self-esteem Model in my first book, Finding Authentic Hope and Wholeness: Five Questions That Will Change Your Life and at its website: www.AuthenticHope.com.)
February 12th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Kathy:
I so appreciated hearing you on Point of View recently. I am a homeschooling mom of seven children, ages 10-19. I was amazed to hear you talk and think about how each of my children have such unique gifts.
I have twins who are almost 14, Grace and Amos. Amos has a genetic disorder called neurofibromatosis. As he is entering high school age, we are trying to put a plan together of goals for him academically. He is challenged in speech, language and reading. As of right now, he is doing 6th grade math (which he seems to enjoy and understands on a basic level).
I would really like to find something that he is good at and that he could learn as far as a trade. We’ve been told that he would not be able to go to traditional college, but maybe some sort of tech or trade school.
Do you have any ideas for us? My biggest challenge has been making sure we help him reach his full God-given potential without having unrealistic expectations.
Thank you, and God bless!
Karen Smith
July 14th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Thanks for the great info, I’ll definitely have to do some reading on Daniel Goleman.
thanks again for sharing,
simona