Multiple Intelligences and My Sister
Dr. Kathy Koch on November 14th, 2008 | Filed under multiple intelligences
A woman emailed me after reading my book, “How Am I Smart?” She wrote that she shared it with her sister, a junior in high school, because she thought it was “very insightful.” Unfortunately, after reading part of the book, this young girl told her sister that she doesn’t believe she has any of the smarts. The woman continued, “I couldn’t convince her otherwise. Do you have any advice?”
Here’s how I responded:
First, I’ll never get tired of hearing that my book benefited someone. Thanks for trusting me and being open to these ideas that we all have eight different smarts. I’m proud of you for wanting to influence your sister. If only more siblings had healthy relationships like it appears the two of you have!
Related specifically to your sister and her smarts, here are some thoughts:
- In your email, you told me that your sister is going though a tough time. That might be why she doesn’t believe she has any smarts. People with unhealthy self-esteems, who are depressed, who are going through big changes, etc., often can’t see themselves realistically. That’s why you’re even more important to your sister now than you used to be.
- You believe logic smart may be one of your sister’s strengths and you even provided me with some evidence. You know her well and you have her best interests at heart. Therefore, she should trust you. Use the word “because.” It has lots of power. When you see her thinking in logical, cause-effect, sensible ways, you can say things, like, “See! That’s an example of why I think you’re logic smart. It’s because you just completely thought that through sequentially and drew a sensible conclusion that’s going to work.” She’s right about math and science tending to be strengths of logic-smart students. I wonder, because of her challenging emotional times, if she’s thinking she has to be an A+ student in order to be “smart.” That’s not true. Has she enjoyed math and science through the years? Can she follow her teachers’ reasoning? Does she naturally think in cause-effect and comparison-contrast ways? Does she need things to make sense? If so, she is logic smart.
- You also believe your sister is music smart, but she disagrees. Your sister needs to understand that there’s a range of “smartness” for each of the eight smarts. You wrote that it takes her a long time to learn new songs on the piano and with voice and that’s why she doesn’t think she’s music smart. Could she be smarter than she is? Sure. But, is she music smart? Yes. Anyone who can play the piano and sing on key is. Plus, the drum beat she creates with her fingers and feet, that you wrote about, is further evidence that she thinks with rhythms and melodies. When you say she’s “music smart” you’re not saying she’s brilliant or perfect. She needs to understand this.
- Keep looking for evidence of how your sister is smart and point it out to her using the word “because.” Look at interest and ability in school and at home. What she does in her spare time and what gets her into trouble provide further evidence of developing smarts.
- Let me share something with you that I’ve used successfully numerous times. This idea needs to be carefully used, though. It may not be appropriate. It depends on your sister and how she’d respond. You’ll know. When teens or adults say to me that they have no strengths or no abilities or nothing special to offer, I sometimes state something like, “That’s pretty prideful to think you were the only one created with no strengths or smarts.” The shock value of the statement almost always results in a meaningful conversation.
I hope these ideas will be helpful and stimulate further thoughts. I wish you well!
Leave a Comment