Every Monday, I’ll post about discovering genuine hope and authentic answers for living a healthy life.
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Our five core needs and our eight multiple intelligences intersect in various ways. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s troubling.
Because I’m logic smart, I think with questions and prefer it when things make sense. That can get in the way of how I try to meet my legitimate need for security.
When things make sense to me, I am more secure. There’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe you can even relate. I like figuring things out and I prefer to not be surprised. But, lately, I’ve realized that some of my stress was caused by my wanting God to make sense to me. That’s arrogant. So, sin was also messing with my security.
I’ve sometimes said that it’s good enough for me that I know God makes sense to God. I’ve not been relying on that truth, though. I’ve had to ask myself if I really believe this or was it a cute way I tried to sweep away my stress?
I’d love to have less pain in my left foot and I’ve prayed and asked others to pray. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that. But, if I argue with God about it and whine because I don’t know why God hasn’t healed my foot, then my security isn’t in God. It’s in my ability to get God to do what I want. Or, it’s in my ability to figure Him out.
A little over a week ago, I had a meltdown. With good friends, and after relevant teaching and amazing worship of the God of the Bible whom I deeply love, I lost it. It had been an overwhelming day in several respects, including horrible foot pain, so when they asked what was wrong, I cried and admitted my pain, confusion about God not healing my foot, and frustration over another area, as well. I willingly received their prayers in response. Twice. Once with Alan, Randy, and Jill, and once with a group of 30 or so that I had taught earlier in the day.
It was freeing. Being vulnerable and authentic felt surprisingly safe. That’s because of who I was with. God, first and foremost. He was very present. He was very approachable. I experienced refreshing closeness as my friends prayed for me. There was no barrier between us. I wasn’t demanding anything. My friends were appropriately asking.
I also knew I could trust who I was with. I can’t just be vulnerable with anyone. (I don’t think anyone should be.) But, for the sake of my security being appropriately placed, I need to trust my friends more. It was good for me to release my fears in the way I did. To experience the unique love of my friends in that setting was rich. Real. Valuable. Long lasting.
Being weak – actually publically admitting my weakness – increased my security. Not in me, but in others and in God. I was reminded of the amazing support I have that I should rely on more often. I was reminded, in their words, who God is and who He wants to be for me.
God is in charge. He gets it. It’s okay with me that I don’t. It really is. I’m not just saying that today.
“God’s grace is sufficient for me because His power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Okay, here is my question, are you not able to see a doctor? Secondly, why are you teaching a class of 30 or so? Share if you’d like. I am glad you were open, don’t think I’d do with a large class. One time I did meltdown in the Women’s S. S. class, and the teacher the following Sunday had me apologize along with a little explaining. An old trick for a hurt is to soak in Epsom salt, nevertheless I am concerned.
Thanks for your concern. I’ve had chronic issues with my left foot and knee for 30 years. (Three major knee surgeries including a knee replacement) There has been “trauma” to at least one major bone in my foot, as my doctor calls it, through use and some injuries. I don’t have insurance to cover my foot at this time so that limits what I’m doing, unfortunately, but my podiatrist just gave me a shot to inject a substance between two bones to hopefully bring some relief. There’s not much cartilage between these bones. Eventually the bones will probably need to be fused so they don’t rub against each other which we think is causing most of my pain. There might be some nerve involvement, too. Regarding the group of 30, I was leading about 70 in a certain track at a convention and about 30 of them were there that night. I’ve gotten to know some of these choice servants over the past three months and just knew they’d love me in my situation. They did. I’m sorry your SS teacher didn’t handle your situation well.
Hey Kathy
I appreciate your honesty and your willingness to be vulnerable. As I read your post, I thought of this one I wrote struggling with my own thorns a while back and thought it might be encouraging …
http://carpentershand.blogspot.co.nz/2008/04/gift-of-thorns.html
Peace friend
Sarah
Thanks so much. I was encouraged.
Hi Kathy,
I really related to this: “When things make sense to me, I am more secure.” But I had not really thought about being stressed when God didn’t make sense to me. Hmmmmm….much food for thought. Thanks!
Nancy
I’m so glad you’re willing to think about relevant things. Thanks for letting me know!
After a year that included 7 surgeries, 3 family deaths and a divorce, I was seriously struggling to understand who God was and what the heck was going on, in general. Months of praying, crying, pleading and searching led me to a place where God provided for me in so many tangible ways that I would have had to be in a coma to miss it. This realization and deliberately looking for the ways that God is at work in the world has brought me to a place of gratitude instead of entitlement. See – that was my problem, I felt entitled. Now, I’m just thankful. Abundantly thankful! I’m thankful, mostly, for the gift that is the “turning”. Without that, there is no dance. When I can “follow” after having “turned” it’s just so much better than the wrestling match that leads to things like displaced hips – think Jacob here. Humility and submission are not “bad” words. If I got what I ‘deserved’, I don’t think I’d like it very much. I prefer grace.
‘Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free
‘Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gain’d,
To bow and to bend we shan’t be asham’d,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come ’round right.