If you find these videos helpful please “Like” and “Share” them on your social networks. Thank you!

Every Wednesday, I’ll post about multiple intelligences so we can better understand children and why they do what they do.

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Although it’s helpful to teach and learn about our eight intelligences in isolation, in practice they don’t work alone. For instance, because word smart involves listening, speaking, reading, and/or writing, it’s very rare that we’re not using it. Those of you who are very picture smart probably always have pictures in your mind. They just naturally appear to help you.

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Did you get what you wanted for Mother’s Day? Did you give what your mother wanted?

I’ve turned my blog over to Tina Hollenbeck today. She wrote this as her column for tomorrow’s Celebrate Kids newsletter, but I wanted you to read it. Not only are her ideas important, I hope it will encourage you to subscribe to the free newsletter here so you get quality thoughts like this every other Tuesday.

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The Heart of the Matter

by Tina Hollenbeck

A few days before Mother’s Day, my husband asked me what I’d like for a gift. I knew he wanted to show his genuine appreciation and that my daughters would want to demonstrate their feelings in a concrete way, too. As is our tradition, they would each give me a sweet card sharing elements of their love for me and they’d take me out to lunch or dinner. But they wanted to present me with something tangible to mark the occasion as well.

And I felt truly blessed by his desire to bless me. But I didn’t know what to say.

A few things I could use or enjoy quickly came to mind: a new printer, a gift card to a local bookstore, a weekend retreat to catch up on my scrapbooking. But when I began to think about what I truly need as a mom, I realized it’s not something my family can wrap up and top with a bow. In fact, it’s not something they can provide at all.

Simply put, what I need most is an ability to focus each day on the heart of the matter in terms of my calling.

Motherhood is not about finishing the laundry or designing the most well balanced meals. It’s not about the 3,796 diapers a mom changes for each child. It’s not about the carpool or organizing memorable birthday parties. It’s not about volunteering in the classroom or finding the ideal homeschool curriculum. It’s not about enrolling the kids in extracurriculars and supplemental activities. It’s not about planning “perfect” family vacations.

Of course, all those tasks (and many more) fill our time. And each small job has value and purpose, demonstrating our love for our families in concrete ways. But if we focus on the utilitarian doing of motherhood without remembering to be in the moments, we’ll miss the point. We’ll spend our kids’ childhoods exhausted and bitter about all the time “they’re taking from us” and then wallow in regret once they’re grown. I know women like that; I never want to become one.

Instead, what I most need as a mom is a growing desire to be fully present with my kids – mentally and emotionally – moment by moment. I need my heart to be with them while my mind and body work through the necessary to-do lists. I need to notice the details as their faces change from those of girls into young women…to really hear their ideas and questions…to grasp the intricacies of how each is wired…to put down the work in order to hold and comfort them.

That’s not something my family can give me. It is God’s gift to me, ready and waiting. But accepting the gift is a matter of my will – each day and in each moment. That’s hard because life is so full and busy. But I know that’s the heart of the matter. 

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Tina blog’s here, if you’d like to read more of her writing.

If you find these videos helpful please “Like” and “Share” them on your social networks. Thank you!

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Her questions were heartfelt. She really wanted answers. She needed answers.

“I am not interested in music or art. I’m not smart in these ways. What about my preschool sons? Do I need to make sure they’re smart in these ways? How can I do that since I’m not?”

Whether this mom needs to or not is an individual decision. If the smarts were word and logic, I’d say absolutely because of their importance in school. I think for most people, whether their children need the other smarts depends on the parents’ experiences, strengths, and goals for their children.

Because my parents were both music smart, they wanted my brother, Dave, and me to enjoy music. They took us to concerts, paid for us to take private lessons on two instruments each, and paid attention to our efforts and performances. We both went on to play in groups through graduate school and my brother still plays in a church orchestra. If our parents wouldn’t have been music smart, Dave and I may not have been born with interest and ability and it may not have been awakened by or strengthened by experiences.

If this mom is satisfied with her life, including her lack of interest in picture and music smart, then she may choose to not invest in helping her children have strengths in these areas. This does not mean she shouldn’t pay attention to their expressed interests and follow them. For instance, if one or both of her sons were to hum or sing spontaneously, calm down when music is played, or naturally pound on a friend’s piano when visiting, then she or her husband may want to enroll with one or both of them in a “music and movement” class at the local Y.

It’s also important to realize children may need more than their parents to awaken and strengthen their smarts. Once they’re in school, of course, teachers and peers become huge influences. Prior to school and during school years, friends and other relatives have the power to awaken and develop children’s smarts. This mom can be relieved to know she’s not solely responsible for awakening her children’s smarts.

Grandparents who are picture smart could take the boys to an art museum. The whole family could enjoy a weekend art festival. A babysitter may enjoy pointing out features of pictures in beautiful picture books. The boys, while at a park with their extended family, may enjoy talking about pictures they see in the clouds.

The boys’ cousins may play in a piano recital and attending may awaken some interest in them. They may watch a movie in a theater or at home with an amazing soundtrack that adds to the movie. Talking about it may be enough to awaken this smart. A grandmother may always have classical music playing in the background when the boys visit her.

I told this mom that it’s never too late for intelligences to grow. Hers could grow as her sons experience new activities. If they do – great. If they don’t – great. It’s okay.

She’s right to ask questions about her sons because they’re still so young. Parents should want their children to become who they were designed to be and not get in the way. I’m grateful for her heart for them.

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Do you extend hope to others? If you have some, I hope you do. We shouldn’t keep it to ourselves.

Does it have to be a big deal? A time consuming conversation? The giving away of something you value? No. Might it be? Yes, and it would be worth it.

Can it be

• a smile shared as you walk past a coworkers? Yes.
• a genuine question, asking someone how she is, and showing with body language, eye contact, and facial expression, that you do want and care about a real answer? Yes.
• an anonymous gift of money to someone who needs it? Yes.
• asking someone for practical help so a need you have is met, but more importantly so that person sees he can contribute and be a blessing? Yes.
• a prayer spoken to God on someone’s behalf? Yes.
• a card sent just to let someone know you’re thinking of him and he’s not alone? Yes.
• a gift of things to help someone having a hard time? Yes.
• volunteering with an organization that is meeting needs? Yes.
• telling others about the source of your hope? Yes.
• listening to someone who’s hurting and searching for something or someone more? Yes.
• contributing to an organization whose work you value? Yes.
• sharing your joy? Yes.
• sharing your concerns so someone can bless and encourage you by their presence, advice, and prayers? Yes.
• teaching truths to replace lies? Yes.
• offering light to people living in darkness? Yes.
• love? Yes. Unconditional love. Definitely. Love that shows up and lasts. Absolutely.

This past weekend, the theme of my church’s missions weekend was “Extend Hope.” In that context, the hope we were challenged to extend is our love for Jesus Christ. Those of us who know Him and have been saved from our sin through our faith in God should be talking about Him and our new life. He is the good news. The best news. He is hope.

Extending hope as I’ve described above are ways of sharing Christ without talking about Him. If we don’t extend hope in these ways to the people we know, why would they believe us when we choose to talk about the Jesus we know and love? Do you see the connection? Slow down and read the question again.

What will you do now? How will you extend hope? How will you involve your children? Don’t wait. Too many people need it. They need Him. Therefore, they need you.

Dr. Kathy explores this topic even further in today’s video. So check it out and if you find these videos helpful, please “Like” and “Share” them with your social networks. Thank you!

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In the last years of my mom’s life, she enjoyed living at a senior apartment complex. She formed fabulous friendships there. My sister-in-law and I are still in touch with a few of the special women even though my mom has been gone almost four years already.

The Red Hat group went out for lunch or dinner once a month. The wine-and-cheese monthly gathering was always a highlight. Residents competed to bring the most popular appetizer. My mom was a great cook, so she enjoyed creating special treats and tasting others. She faithfully attended the monthly birthday parties to honor new and old friends.

My mom rarely missed social hour, at 3:30 three days a week. She loved knowing what was going on in everyone’s lives. And, we know, she enjoyed filling people in on her activities and family.

One of my mom’s best friends was Kay. They had season tickets to the Milwaukee Symphony together and bonded especially over their love of music. One of Kay’s traditions at their apartment complex was planning a Maypole dance every May 1^st with elementary students from a school the complex adopted.

When I was young student, I remember dancing the Maypole Ribbon Dance at Roosevelt Elementary School. It was fun and challenging to dance accurately so the ribbons were intertwined to the pole and then retrace our moves to unravel the ribbons. Since I took dance lessons and I always liked music, my memory might be stronger than others. I also remember making paper baskets of paper flowers to deliver to neighbors. The goal was to hang it on a doorknob, ring the bell, and run without being seen.

Are you old enough to remember May 1^st Maypole dances and baskets?

Kay kept the tradition alive, to the HUGE delight of the residents and amusement of the children because of her music-smart passions and abilities. Celebrate how your children are smart and keep introducing them to more of life so they’ll have much to remember and pass on when they’re in their 80’s.

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I’m not sure when it started, but it’s continued.

At some point in almost every program with middle school and high school students, I have them repeat it after me. “Live long. Die old.”

“Live long. Die old.”

“Live long. Die old.”

“Live long. Die old.”

“Live long. Die old.”

“Live long. Die old.”

Suicide is way too common – it’s the third leading cause of death for 11-19 year-olds. There are no words strong enough to express my grief every time I think about this.

Today’s young people are overwhelmed by the amount of information available to them. Be a solid source of truth for them and teach them how to choose from the rest what they should and should not believe, remember, and apply.

They’re overwhelmed by decisions they think they have to make. Make some for them and teach them how to make the rest. Gently and consistently teach them the difference between wrong, almost right, and right.

They’re overwhelmed trying to make choices based on their happiness. Model how you make appropriate choices and teach them there’s more to life than happiness. Much more. More. Even more.

Model how to handle disappointment. The lack of happiness. Sadness. Jealousy. Fear. Confusion. Other emotions you see them struggling with. Teach them. Get them help if it’s appropriate.

Many of today’s children and teens may act like they don’t care what their parents, other relatives, and teachers think and believe. That’s not true, though. The phone in their hand, pods in their ears, and eyes glued to a screen are often a cover.

They may not know how to start the conversation. They may appear to be resistant at first. They may actually be resistant at first, especially if you haven’t talked in awhile or if past conversations have been negative and argumentative.

Start the conversation. Keep talking. Apologize for past arguments and judgments, if appropriate. Ask questions. Better questions. Answer theirs. Don’t give up.

Listen to learn, not to judge.

Care before you share.

Talk to inspire. To help. To encourage. Although teaching is very important, don’t always have teaching or convincing them you’re right as your goal.

Do it now. And later. And again.

Life is fragile. Living shouldn’t be.

If you find these videos helpful, please “Like” and “Share” them with your social networks. Thank you!