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I golfed yesterday. I’ve enjoyed learning to play. The exercise, fresh air (even when it’s very hot), and fellowship is refreshing.

Work is never-ending. There’s always something I could be doing, but yet I golf. I’m a better person because I leave work and my to-do list behind every once in awhile. It’s one of the ways I take care of myself.

What about you? How are you taking care of yourself? What works for you? What about your friends? Any changes you want to make? You’re worth it!

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Many important things occur at the end of the school year. Papers are written, content is studied, finals are taken, grades are figured, and report cards are distributed. Desks and lockers are emptied. Bulletin boards are taken down. Whole rooms are closed, not to be opened until sometime in August.

What if I suggested that one of the most important things that must occur at the end of the year is something said, not something done? That’s right.

Children must hear they are smart so they go into the summer with a positive view of themselves. Last memories of this year will definitely affect next year.

Even if your children/students don’t do as well as you had hoped on some assignments and tests, look for evidence they did use their intelligences so you can affirm them. When students do well, don’t just tell them that. Make sure to tell them which smarts you know they used.

To help you observe, here’s a summary of what to look for:

• When using their WORD smart, children will talk, listen, read, and write. They’ll most likely talk more when excited. People to talk with aren’t as important as them processing with words so they may do just fine when alone.
• When using their LOGIC smart, children will ask and answer questions. They will solve problems. They’ll most likely ask more questions when excited.
• When using their PICTURE smart, children will think with their eyes. They’ll visualize in their mind and actually draw on paper. They’ll most likely add to their pictures when excited.
• When using their MUSIC smart, children will think with rhythms and melodies. They’ll most likely make music when excited. They may hum, click a pen, drum with their fingers or pencils, and/or tap their toes to a rhythm in their head.
• When using their BODY smart, children will move and touch. They may struggle to sit still and keep their hands to themselves. They’ll most likely be more physically active when excited.
• When using their NATURE smart, children will think with patterns. They may do best on units about plants and animals and topics they can relate to nature. They’ll most likely want to go outside when excited.
• When using their PEOPLE smart, children will talk to people. They’ll be productive team members. They’ll most likely talk to people more when excited.
• When using their SELF smart, children will think deeply inside of themselves. They’ll work carefully and usually have very thorough work. They’ll most likely want to spend time alone when excited.

That’s it! Remember, all children have all eight and they benefit when we point them out to them. As the year ends, don’t just tell them they did well or that you’re proud of them. Help them see how they used their intelligences so one of their last memories is knowing how they are smart.

Every Monday, I’ll post about discovering genuine hope and authentic answers for living a healthy life.

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Purpose matters. It’s powerful. Directive. Encouraging. Hopeful. Steadying. Motivating. Engaging.

Without purpose, we flounder. Question. Doubt. Disengage. Wander. Stop. Die.

Tyler was a college freshman at Cedarville University and like so many others, unsure of what to do in the future. General education requirements were his course of study. Nothing excited him. He had no passion for anything, but other students did. This just added to the pressure he felt to figure things out.

At yet another meeting with his advisor, Tyler wisely told him that he likes to draw. He didn’t think it was that important, but it proved to be life-changing information. (That’s one reason children need to know who they are – identity is related to purpose.)

His advisor enrolled Tyler in a course related to an industrial design major and he loved it. The professor graciously allowed him to stay in the course even though he hadn’t taken the prerequisite. Sometimes thinking outside the box is life-saving. I really appreciate this professor’s choice to honor Tyler.

I first saw Tyler’s great smile when he enthusiastically explained what it meant to settle on a college major. He willingly showed me the final course project displayed in the above picture. He was to draw something real (he chose a Nerf gun) and then, in two steps, change it while keeping some of the design elements. He earned a 100% grade.

Tyler clearly has talent. Purpose has supplied the direction. Attention, motivation, engagement, excellence, and joy will now follow.

Purpose is powerful. Make sure to find yours. And, what can you do to help young people find theirs?

Every Friday, I’ll post thought provoking discussion starters. 

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My brother and sister-in-law were going to host their small group and I volunteered to make the dessert since I was in town. Listening to the options Debbie gave me, I first thought of choosing one of the chocolate options because that would be my preference. But, I didn’t. I chose to make the lemon bars because lemon is my brother’s favorite flavor.

I was surprised how often I thought of Dave while making them. Then, later, with anticipation, I cut the bars from the 9×12” pan. After dinner, he passed the plate and waited until everyone had one. I enjoyed waiting for his reaction after he took his first bite.

Putting Dave’s preferences first was freeing. It was right. I was surprised by how much joy I experienced in my simple decision. He loved the bars and I did, too. I’ll be making them for my friends in Fort Worth. Debbie will make them again, too.

When’s the last time you put someone else first? How did you feel? How do you think that person felt?

Every Wednesday, I’ll post about multiple intelligences so we can better understand children and why they do what they do.

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My nephew, Andy, played with Duplo® blocks, Legos®, and his Thomas the Train for hours and hours at a time. I imagine every family member can testify that our favorite memories of Andy growing up include either watching him play with them or participating with him.

Andy’s imagination was significant. I think he really saw castles, fire stations, and bridges over raging rivers when he built ordinary-looking structures. His trains were carrying important products and many families to their destinations many miles away. His picture-smart strengths were obvious from the very beginning.

He found new ways to connect Thomas’ tracks so he was never bored. His logic-smart abilities allowed him to think things through and predict what pieces he needed for certain constructions. His parents (my brother, Dave, and his wife, Debbie) learned to be very careful checking on him in the middle of the night. They didn’t want to step on tracks or worse yet, Thomas.

Andy played with these toys longer than many boys and girls did. In fact, last Christmas, during his senior year in college, I gave him the Lego® game, Creationary, at his request. Because it’s for ages 7 and older, I wondered if he knew what he was asking for and he assured me he did.

Andy took Creationary back to college with him and played several times with his roommates this past semester. His inventiveness, innovation abilities, and fun through exploration continues.

It’s not an accident that Andy just graduated from Cedarville University with highest honors (a 3.96 GPA), a degree in mechanical engineering, and a fabulous job. Every moment he played with Duplos®, Legos®, and his train was related to this accomplishment. Every moment.

This is why I encourage parents to never answer the common question, “What did you do today?” with “Nothing. I just played with my kids.” There might be nothing more valuable.

The fact that Dave and Deb didn’t make Andy pick up his train set every night to clean his room contributed to his academic excellence. The fact that we purchased expensive Lego® sets for his birthdays was an investment in his future.

Play awakened and strengthened Andy’s smarts and led to his future. Play more!

Every Monday, I’ll post about discovering genuine hope and authentic answers for living a healthy life.

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Sometimes an identity change makes an almost immediate difference in someone’s behavior. Sometimes it doesn’t. What’s the difference?

My nephew, Andy, graduated from college last Saturday. One minute he was a college student. The next, he was a graduate.

Identity controls behavior. Now he won’t be studying to take tests unless and until he begins graduate school. He will be going to work. He’ll need new skills and behaviors.

Identity is our second core need. It’s surrounded, or sandwiched, by security and belonging. They’ll both greatly influence it. When they’re strong and healthy, identity will more likely be.

Andy was enthusiastically telling me what he will be doing in his new job. He then said, “But the guy who will be my supervisor said he wouldn’t let me travel alone to a customer until I was ready.” I was so glad to hear that!

I could tell Andy was relieved, too. His supervisor’s statement increased both his security and his belonging. In it, he recognized he would be trained for success (security) and supported by his boss (belonging).

His belonging and security are also being enhanced because ten of his classmates took jobs with the same company. It will be easier for Andy – each graduate, actually – to develop their new identities as successful and fulfilled employees of Cummins, Inc. because of this. I’m glad for Andy.

Do you have a new college graduate in your life needing to more fully embrace a new identity? Or is it someone else, even you, who needs to do the same? For example, to be more focused? Creative? Gentle? Optimistic? Motivated for the job hunt? Helpful during the summer? A successful time manager? A team player? Shore up their (your) security and belonging and the identity shift will more likely take root.

I expect Andy will be successful and you can be, too. I’d love to know.

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Driving to my nephew’s college graduation has me thinking.

Is what you do day by day fulfilling? How do you know? What’s the evidence that it is or isn’t? Do your friends use the same standard?

Who inspired you to choose your college major or career? What did this person do that helped you? How is looking back to remember beneficial? Who do you know who you could inspire today? Will you?

Here’s an assignment for you. If the person you thought of above is still alive, call them and thank them for their influence.

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My book about multiple intelligences is titled How Am I Smart? A Parent’s Guide to Multiple Intelligences, but many other titles would have worked. That’s because our intelligences are relevant to so many areas of life.

As you know, if you read last week’s blog posts (here and here), grief has been on my mind lately. Would it surprise you to know that understanding how we are smart can help us grieve well? It’s true. And, it’s important because grief isn’t well understood. Too often, people can be made to feel they’re not grieving right. Really? Disappointing.

How Do We Grieve? Using Multiple Intelligences to Grieve Well and Completely. How about that for a title? We have all eight smarts, so all of the following may be relevant. If we have definite intelligence strengths, we’ll want to use those as we grieve.

Word-smart people will need to talk through their feelings. Believe it or not, someone to listen isn’t essential. But, they will often want to share stories with people. They may also write out their thoughts. They may also want to listen to you tell stories about the loved one.

Logic-smart people will need to ask more questions than others might. They’ll want answers, when possible. They’ll always want to be heard. They will not appreciate being told to stop asking questions that can’t be answered or hearing other statements designed to placate them. They may struggle with anger more than others if things don’t make sense to them.

Picture-smart people may benefit from drawing pictures of their favorite memories. They may talk about what they saw at the end of a loved one’s life. They may remember relevant dreams and think more about heaven than others as they imagine what a loved one might be doing there.

Music-smart people may be supported in their grief by music. They may want to listen to their loved one’s favorites. They will most likely also want to play their favorite songs. This music may increase their likelihood they’ll experience some peace. For the rest of their lives, when hearing certain songs, memories of the loved one may return.

Body-smart people will need to move freely and often. Movement and touch help them think and relax. If exercising, dancing, drumming, or crafting are normal activities, they’ll need to continue these or stress will badly build.

Nature-smart people may need to spend time outside just sitting on a bench or walking in a park. They can benefit from doing this alone and also with others. They also may pay more attention to the flowers at a funeral than others do. If they have pets, they’ll gain comfort from interacting with them.

People-smart people will grieve best when spending time with other people. They’ll need to talk and listen and test their ideas by sharing them with others who are able to continue the discussion. Interacting with others who knew the same loved one or who can understand the feelings and thoughts they’re having will be essential to them working through their grief.

Self-smart people will grieve alone, thinking and feeling deeply inside of themselves. Others may be concerned that they’re not processing their feelings, but they don’t need people to process with like people-smart people do. They’ll want quiet, peace, space, and privacy and if these needs aren’t respected, stress will build. They should be encouraged to share their conclusions with people they’re safe with.

Grief is never easy. It’s essential that we grieve well, not hurrying it or denying our feelings. Let’s encourage people to grieve the way they’re designed.

I truly hope these ideas about grief help you and those you love.

Every Monday, I’ll post about discovering genuine hope and authentic answers for living a healthy life.

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Last night I saw a television ad for Miracle Gro. That, and finishing my preparations for tonight’s webinar about security, has me thinking.

You might wish you could sprinkle some Miracle Gro on your children and have them wake up the next day secure in who they are and in others. “Get big, beautiful results like never before.” But, as appealing as that is, it’s not possible to miraculously grow children’s security.

Children’s security needs to have deep roots so it weathers storms and droughts. This takes time and the right fertilizer.

Children develop self-security when they’re taught right from wrong and other character qualities. When they behave well and increasingly experience the internal peace that comes with living rightly, self-security grows. This allows them to be right and do right even when no one is looking.

Self-security is also fertilized as people affirm children and speak truth into their lives. Accountability matters and we grow as we live life with others. This is where belonging serves security well. The quality of our community greatly influences who we become.

Through community, children also discover they need others wiser and more experienced than themselves to rely on. They learn there are people willing to be on their side, to tell them the truth even when it might be hard to hear, and to teach them what they don’t yet know.

They learn to trust others. They learn it’s worth the risk to open up. They learn people can follow through, be dependable, and tell the truth. They learn security.

Learning to trust others puts their self-security in proper perspective. When they have both, security roots go deep and wide. Storms can be weathered. So can droughts.

How’s your security today? Your children’s? (If you think something is missing from today’s post, make sure to stop by next Monday to read other thoughts about security. In the meantime, think about it. What would you add?)

Children and adults can choose to support a weaker intelligence by using a stronger one at the same time. For example, if someone isn’t very logic smart, picturing math problems may help. Even using two weaker smarts is better than using one alone. Two strengths used together can be very powerful.

An example of this principle of smart integration is the embedded video below. It was created to honor the life of Charity Hope Black Hadick, the daughter of the friend I posted about on Monday. Watching it will give you a glimpse into her life and family.

Chad Ahrendt, the creator, is the founder of Clean Freak Productions and the writer, director, producer of Reconciliation, a movie I definitely recommend. He’s multi-smart!

Notice how Chad’s music-smart abilities allowed him to select perfect music for his video.

His picture-smart strengths allowed him to select perfect pictures for the tribute. I especially love the one of Charity dancing with my friend, Stephen, at her wedding. The look in her eyes toward her dad is love and admiration.

Chad used his logic-smart ability to order the pictures. His people-smart strengths helped him choose pictures we would all want to see. His own responses to the pictures and connection with Stephen activated his self-smart abilities. We benefited.

Chad doesn’t want this post to be about him and I don’t either. I want it to be about Charity because so many of us are still grieving. I also want it to be about you. How are you multi-smart and how can you use your smarts to bless others and honor God? What are you waiting for?