Dad’s Question: On the Road
Dr. Kathy Koch on October 13th, 2008 | Filed under Parent Involvement With Schoolwork
Here’s the first question I’ve decided to answer on my new blog. Feel free to submit yours and check back to see when I answer it.
A dad asked whether having a job in far-off places and not always being with his kids means they’d fail in school.
I’m glad this dad realizes that his travels may affect his children’s school performance. I’m not sure all parents even think about it. That’s sad.
I don’t believe a parent’s physical absence dooms a child to failure. It can, however, influence the child. Being emotionally present, whether you’re at home or on the road, is a key. Here’s what I recommend:
- When you are physically present, fully engage with your children. On those nights when you’re not on the road, make sure to talk about school and help them study and complete their homework. Communicate that learning is important; not just grades. What you can do when you’re home is important!
- When you are on the road, regularly communicate with your children. Emails, texting, and posting on social sites like MySpace and Face Book can be effective. But, call often. If you can call sometimes at 4:00 p.m. instead of 8:00 p.m., do so. You might get a fresher perspective and you might help your child have a good night. You can hear things in children’s voices that you can’t pick up from written communication. And, they can hear your love, concern, and enthusiasm, too. It’s also easier to follow up on what’s said and to build a real give-and-take conversation.
- Don’t just ask how your children did in school. Also ask them who they were in school – were they kind, outgoing, confident, joyful, and considerate? Or, were they scared, bossy, sad, and prideful? Talking about their character and emotions can be more important than talking about grades. Talk about friendship issues, too.
- Ask what they learned with realistic questions like, “What’s one thing you learned today?” “What surprising thing did you learn today?” “What confused you today?” It’s very honoring to remember what your children are studying and then to ask questions about those topics. So, instead of asking, “What did you learn today?” you can ask, “Did you learn anything more about mammals today?”
- Share what you learned that day. Effective modeling that you’re still learning is very important. Children need to understand that learning takes place outside of school. Encourage children to ask you the same question you ask them about learning. Or, simply share occasionally what you learn about your topic, yourself, and people in general.
- When asking about grades, follow up by asking if they’re satisfied with their grades. You may discover that their 92% disappoints them because they studied hard. Their 84% might please them because the test was especially challenging. Knowing whether they’re satisfied will prompt you to be more supportive. When it’s safe to do so, ask what they’ll do differently if they want to improve. Ask how you can help. Don’t ask if you can help. Ask how you can help.
- Do your best to remember your children’s test schedule. This allows you to encourage children with a quick call or text that morning and to ask about it at night. They’ll appreciate that you’re thinking of them even though you have your own agenda.
I hope these ideas are helpful. What works for you and your kids? Feel free to leave a comment.
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