Every Monday, I’ll post about discovering genuine hope and authentic answers for living a healthy life.
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When I speak about our core needs, the topic of perfection comes up in two primary ways.
- Trying to meet our legitimate need for security by being perfect won’t work. When trying to be perfect, our mistakes become even more obvious and we’ll become insecure. This is the exact opposite of our goal.
- We can’t meet our legitimate need for competence by being perfect either. Our God-wired-into-us need is for competence, not perfection.
Perfect paralyzes. Permits defeat. Pummels.
Perfect is painful. It suffocates.
Perfect lies. It diminishes. It erases.
Perfect is defined as “faultless.” We’re not. Jesus is. Trying for something we can’t be leads to defeat. Discouragement. Doubts. Danger. Dysfunction. Despair.
Perfect is defined as “flawless.” We’re not. Jesus is. Trying for something we’ll never be causes guilt. Shame. Anger. Judgment. Comparisons. Competition.
Perfect is defined as “completely correct or accurate.” We’re not. Jesus is. Trying for something that’s unrealistic results in tension. Fear. Impatience. No risks. No growth. Less learning. No freedom.
Perfect is also defined as “complete in all respects.” We’re not this either. Jesus is. In Him, we are. All. Everything. Finished. Complete.
After we make a commitment to Christ through faith and trust Him for our salvation, God sees us as Christ’s righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:21). Flawless. Faultless. Correct. Complete.
That’s why Matthew 5:48 shouldn’t scare us. We have Christ. “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Perfect here means to “become complete.” To mature. To become who God intended for us to be when He chose to create us.
That’s the proper perspective. That’s healthy. Growth. Progress. That we can do as we rely on the One Who is perfect and complete.
In our maturity, we allow Christ to perfect us as we trust Him more and more. We receive and value His grace as we journey toward Christlikeness. Maybe that’s the key. How much better off would we be if we used perfect as a verb and not an adjective?
Click Image to Visit www.NoMorePerfectMoms.com
Please mark your calendar for the week of February 4th to purchase Jill Savage’s new and important book, No More Perfect Moms. It’s full of life lessons for you. In them, you’ll find peace and satisfaction. They’ll also help you raise children not striving for an impossible man-defined standard. I highly recommend her book.
Kathy,
I wonder how you move from the drive to succeed in a task or goal to enjoying the process and activity of learning along the way. I suppose it would include a little pep talk on the front end of the activity or goal you are working toward and then genuine examination/reflection of what was learned along the way and praise of that process and acquired skills rather than strong praise of the end result. I also wonder why there are those of us that drift toward perfectionism more strongly than others…..is this a struggle common to everyone? And once free from it how do you reject the shame others impose on who are still stuck in perfectionism? I could use a few good quick and witty statements to say out loud when others try to heap shame on my imperfect family! We sure don’t keep up with the Jones’ around here and it shows. I’m sure we make a lot of people feel better about themselves…..but that hurts me when others use us to feel better about themselves! A good sense of humor would probably help with that. Any rate it is a challenge to teach our children to combat perfectionism when the Jones’ model it and expect it from them. Though it does give an opportunity for discussion. Why can’t my kids just get out on time for carpool so we don’t have to have the discussion in the first place?! Just a tiny example of how such a small issue can be so full of perfectionism!
Teri, you make lots of good points. Humor, pep talks, learning from life experiences, …. all of that makes sense. I think rejecting shame is most likely possible when we know ourselves well and accept ourselves. Truly. Jill’s book, that I recommended on the blog, has some great thoughts about that. Some people do struggle more with perfectionism than others. One group are those raised by demanding parents (often the dad) who couldn’t accept even a few errors. These people learn that only perfect is good enough and continue being hard on themselves even when admitting it doesn’t help. The second group who struggle have a certain Mind Style that results in strong task-management abilities and fear of risks, mistakes, and even feelings.
Look forward to taking a look at Jill’s book!
Amen and Amen Dr. Koch…I can so vividly remember being caught up in the comparisons in my 20′s and 30′s. It built up such negative self talk in my head. Thank you for reminding us that it is because of Christ that God sees us as perfectly complete!
Shelly,
I’m so glad my thoughts blessed you. Thanks for letting me know. I pray we all remember!